Sleeping...

I sat and watched our little girl sleeping today.
A soft smile touched my lips, and then tears filled my eyes.
Is it really true...is she really mine? Will I have her for as long as I live and will she never be taken away? There's no answer to those questions, but I do know that she will never, ever, never leave the place she has in my heart.
I decided it's time to put aside the grief of losing my 'baby' and time to start enjoying each day I have with her as my 'toddler'. That time will pass all to soon too.
My heart can't take any more. She's more than I could ever have dreamed of. I would die for her and yet I live every day for her. I'm consumed by the love I feel for her. I watch her and learn - she watches me and learns. What is life going to be like over the days, weeks, months and years ahead. She's nearly two. It's nearly time to celebrate the first birthday she will ever have celebrated. A time of profound joy and love. A time to be grateful that I'm finally a mummy. A time to be grateful that I have now experienced the kind of love that only a mummy could experience.

Here's my girl enjoying a bath at Numurkah....

...with hair created by 'ties taken out'...

How much joy can one child bring???

I don't think I'll ever get over the joy that my precious little girl brings me.

Did I ever really question if it was all worth it? Now I just don't know how I could have ... but I know that's because she's here.

Every day brings a new joy. Finally everything has settled around here and it's amazing what a difference it makes when I can spend time with Ebony. She is starting to say 'more' very clearly...and with an understanding of what it means. She's trying to say 'help' and 'hi' which sound so cute!
Last night she woke up at about 10pm (any wonder after 3 1/2 hours sleep during the day!) and when I finally put her back to bed for the first time - she just wanted to hold my hand in her little hand - through the cot ... and she didn't want to let go. It was so sweet and such a beautiful feeling to have her wanting desperately to hold onto my hand.

I feel so proud of Ebony. She was very sick last week...I'm still waiting to hear from the doctor if it was my fault or not. I came home from Melbourne and the next day (last Friday) I made Ebony lunch, which included the ham in the fridge. I thanked Graham that night for buying some ham and he said "I haven't bought any ham"! alarm bells went off immediately and we realised it was 2 week old ham (I'd been away a week). Well the next morning the vomiting and diarrhea started. The vomiting lasted 4 days and the diarrhea lasted about 6. The doctor doesn't know if it was the ham or a bug...so he's taken tests and I'm waiting for the results.
I know I'm not a bad mummy...it was a very innocent mistake and if I could reverse it I would. It was awful to see her so sick and so lacking in energy. She even lost 1/2 kg in that time poor little girl. The good thing about children is that when they are good they are good and when they are bad they are bad. She spent a lot of time just lying in my arms - which was the silver lining for me. She also slept ALOT! 2-3 hours every day.

Anyway she was just about back to normal by last Friday and Sunday we visited Graham's mum and dad (a surprise for them) and I couldn't believe how my little girl 'performed'. She just loves being around people and she had a ball (even though she only slept about 20 minutes all day). It was a total of 6 hours in the car and she did so well. It was so worth the visit though.
Anyway - time for some more photo's of my angel.....