Back to Melbourne

Part 2 of Permanent Care.
It's been hard. The trips to Melbourne and another long one in between.
Anyway, the upside of these trips is seeing Steve, Sandi, Molly and Ming. They are unbelievably wonderful and Ebony loves them all....especially Ming! They get on so well together and I love watching them. Steve, Sandi, Molly and Ming look after Ebony while we go to the Education Groups. More about that on our PC blog (when I get to finally update it!).
Thankfully we had no sleep terrors or anything bad at all. Eb was basically happy to leave us (she went off in the car with Sandi) and then we came back home at lunchtime to get her off to sleep (she slept for 3 hours!). Sandi is so wise with Eb - she just knows how to handle the difficult times and obviously coped with Ebony waking very well - it was one of the things I was concerned about because Eb doesn't wake well with me there - let alone without me. Anyway it was all good and here are some photo's of darling Ming and Ebby. They really do get on very very well :)

Kinder

Does this look like the face of a child excited about going to Kinder?



I'm afraid not.
We did a little better today - but not much.
I stayed for 45 mins and in the time I spent time telling Ebony that I would be going BUT that I would come back. Every time we talked about it she started to get upset. I'm trying to hold it together.
Thankfully there was another Mum there whose daughter is doing really well. She had decided to stay and help out and she - so kindly - took Ebony under her wing. This really helped. I was able to leave at about 10am and headed to work. I got the call at about 10.45 and they said to come back about 11am. Once again Eb completely lost it when I saw her - but she was definitely better than last time. I just stayed with her for a while then we left together and I finished off my cleaning with her.
Later that day Angela rang me. She is childcare trained and she wanted to let me know that she thinks Eb will come around. She said there are times when she would suggest that we try again later in the year or next year - but she really believes Eb will be ok. She is also going to stay for the next couple of weeks which could be exactly what it takes for Eb to feel more comfortable.
Praise God for Angela is all I can say at the moment.

What a paradox parenting is. I love this little girl so fiercely and yet I so want her to be comfortable in the big wide world. I wanted her to be able to wave me off - and yet in my heart of heart I harboured a deep desire for her to really miss me. When that time came and she obviously really missed me I felt joy for me and such deep sadness for her. I also thought about the fact that here we spend all the time from when these little children are placed in our arms - nurturing them and helping them to bond with us - and then, at the drop of a hat, a day comes and we expect them to be able to just say 'see ya Mummmy' - a BIG, BIG ask I reckon.

Gardening with Mummy

Another joy! - we have so much fun together - and Ebony is like me in so many ways. She loves doing things around me - she'll bring her toys or whatever she's doing to where I am and just sit at my feet and play. I could be cooking - ironing.....or gardening. I was struck by this when I had a morning gardening. She pinched my 'gardening pillow' (for my knees) and just followed me around wherever I went. I managed to catch a couple of photo's when I snuck away to get the camera without her knowing! The first couple of photo's are taken inside before we started - then one of her having lunch at her table in the back yard....and then gardening.










I thought it was so cute and just reminded me so much of me and how I like to be around people. If there's someone around I'd much rather be with them than on my own.

Being Mummy to a little girl

I find being a Mummy to my little girl so much fun.
Not to say I wouldn't feel the same if she had been a boy - it would have been very different - but still fun I've no doubt.
I love dressing her up - I love the fact that although she is sporty - she's still a girly girl. I love doing her hair and I love seeing her at play. It's wonderful.
We are starting to get lots of 'love......'. Lots and lots of 'I love Daddy' - for no reason in the middle of the day when he's not even around. I get an 'I love Mummy' from time to time and I love it when I get it! I'm there all the time - that's why it's infrequent. She also 'loves' Gabi her doll - the man down the street - the car - the balloon - the puzzle - Nana - you name it!
I'm getting THE most beautiful hugs these days - they are 'real' hugs.
Eb is still a bit reserved when it comes to hugs or kisses for anyone else - even Daddy. She seems to have a strong sense of her 'own space'. I feel a bit sad at times because I would love her to be affectionate but I know that this is her reality - not mine.
She is starting to say lots more sentences - even though at times you need to work through where her mind has been to work out what she is trying to say!

As I said - I love being a Mummy to my little girl - here's how her room looks now that I've been able to set it all up properly! It's still a bit of work in progress, but I'll get there in time :)

Waratah Bay February

Wow - what a journey.
We had offered to help our dear friends Ruth, Chris and Mei replace their gutters on the Waratah Bay home. We went there for New Years and had such a wonderful time I was really looking forward to the weekend (not sure Gra was quite as enthusiastic!). It's a long journey...we left at 1.45pm on Friday and finally got there at 7.45pm! We did have to stop in a couple of places so it wouldn't normally be quite so long - probably 5 hours.
We had a wonderful time (at least Eb and I did! - poor Daddy worked the whole weekend!). Eb was amazing travelling again - because we took Graham's car I forgot the lead for the DVD player so Ebony didn't watch one DVD the whole way and she only slept about .45 of an hour - the rest of the time she sang and entertained us - she's amazing!
We went through more fire ravaged areas - we've now seen 5 different areas in 6 days. It's terribly sad to see - I'll do a post specifically dedicated to that soon.
Anyway - Saturday came and we just hung out at home in the morning then Ruth and I took the girls to get some bits and pieces for the guys and gave them a bit of time at the park and then headed back to give them a sleep (which they both did beautifully). Then the girls had some great fun together until friends of Ruth and Chris's came over for dinner. We had a lovely evening - but silly me had a glass of wine to many and woke up feeling terrible on Sunday - so that was a waste of a day. Haven't done that for ages! Anyway we took the girls to the beach and then I had a sleep until Graham was ready to head off - this ended up being about 3.45pm - so it was a VERY late night after we stopped for dinner. We got home at 10.30pm. Thankfully Eb slept a bit of it (1.5 hours from about 3 minutes after we left Ruth, Chris and Mei!). She was exhausted but did the rest of the travel really well.
Sadly I also forgot my good camera!!!!!!! So I have a couple of shots - but not very good ones at all.....guess who left their camera at home! (thankfully my old one was in the glovebox of the car :).

Breakfast time

Eb doesn't look but she was - the photo was just bad timing!.. and she adores Mei!


Play time....








Some of the gorgeous - peaceful - relaxing views...

2nd day of kinder

Sorry no photo's.
Today should have been Friday 13th.
It didn't go well at all I'm afraid.
I'd been talking to Ebony quite a bit about Kinder. I felt she was at least a little prepared. I said I would go and then come back.
I got her as settled as I could, but felt really, really uncomfortable inside. Her she was - my little buddy - left in a playground where she was obviously unsure - with 29 other children that she didn't know very well (and mostly been to day care and knew at least one other child well) and two Kinder teachers who she really didn't know at all. Just before I left her I suddenly though - gosh will she even know who to ask if she needs to go to the toilet? I started to have doubts about it all. I toughened up - took her to the lead teacher who is really lovely and told Eb to seek Lou out if she needed to go to the toilet. I said I was going and she seemed unsure but ok.

I got in the car and cried myself to the post office (about 5 mins away) and then the phone rang. I was almost relieved! She was really upset so I jumped back in the car and as soon as she spotted me she went totally hysterical. My heart just about broke. She had picked up a piece of material and was clinging to it like her snugly.
I stayed with her until she was well settled and then (in liaison with the teacher) left. I hid for a short while and was distressed to see that very quickly she became distressed. It was then I made the toughest decision - to walk away. We had agreed that I would come back in 20 mins so I headed of with a heavy heart to drop something in to a friend (who sadly wasn't there for me to cry on her shoulder!) and then went to the bank.

When I arrived back there I got the attention of the aide and she said the Eb kept asking for her snugly and would I go back and get it. I did of course.
When I arrived back there she saw me. She was exhausted and sitting beside the Kinder Teacher sobbing those sobs that I find so hard. She was very glad to see her snugly ... and me. We decided it was best that I stay (it was only about 1/2 way through at this stage). Kinder goes from 9-12.30. She ended up very happy playing there and we finally left at about midday.

Boy what a morning - I think I ended up more emotionally exhausted than she. We'll now wait and see what next week holds....and yes she will be taking her snugly (or one of them) - the Kinder teacher said they often suggest that sort of thing. Wish me luck (or pray if you are that way inclined).

Growing Up

It's time for a bit of an update on some of my darling girls 'Ebonyisms' as we call them.

She is now totally out of nappies - she hasn't had a wet nappy since the 14th Jan and even then it was only the odd day every few weeks. She's been free of nappies since Sunday 15th Feb. Hasn't had an accident since early November and has never had an accident in her cot or bed. (Phew!)

We saw the Maternal Health Nurse yesterday for her 3.5yr check up. Ebony is 3.5 today.
She is 99cm tall
and weighs 15.3kgs
Sadly, the appointment was very hard for me - although Eb is doing very well in many areas - she's definitely behind in others. The Maternal Health Nurse wants her to see an Occupational Therapist. I feel the best thing is to go along with her and just see what happens. I feel she is coming ahead in leaps and bounds. She is being compared to a 3.5 year old that grew up in a totally normal environment. She didn't. I know she'll get there - I'll feel better about it all in a few days I'm sure.

Her speech is coming along really well - but she still has some very funny little sayings....
She is starting to say 'i luff.....' things (and people) now (finally :)
Look is still 'wook'
Any word with the second letter 'l' like...play, flock, cloud, please ... she fully pronounces the 'l' and draws it out. It sounds so funny, but I just can't write it how it sounds!
Mummy and Daddy are 'Mum' and 'Dad' at the moment
She picks up her play phone and says 'hello'.....'good' .... how you doing?..... :)
She says 'no home' when she knows we're heading that way (not at all sure why!)
Whenever she comes to work with me she says 'no puppy' 'cause she's not at all sure of the puppy there
When she wants something like cheese she'll look at me as say cheese? and then she'll nod her head and say 'yes'? to make sure I know what she wants and that she'll get it....and she doesn't let up until I say the word yes!
There are so many more, but now many I can't write because they are just so out there...she's trying so many words. She WILL get there I know.

She is extremely good with her please/thankyou/sorry. She will often say sorry when I've accidentally bumped her or she's bumped herself. Too cute.

When I go into her after a sleep (as long as she's in a good frame of mind) she'll hide under the blankets giggling....what a girl!

She loves her big bed.

She has to get in and out of the car and car seat on her own (when I let her!).

She has to hold my hand no matter where we're going. (I LOVE it!)

She's quite coy around people...I couldn't say she's shy though.

She is very much like me in that she will bring whatever she's doing to wherever I am. Today I was ironing in the laundry and she brought most of her toy box in so she could play beside me. That's so like me wanting to be around others.

She loves....
Balloons
Friends
Playgroup
Still warms to men before women
Ming Poynton! (her little friend who was adopted from China and happens to be a boy!)
Beetroot
Cucumber
Meat
Cheese
Completely plain popcorn
Grapes
Playing outside when I'm gardening

She doesn't sleep well in the car at all (still) but generally travels better than she used to.

She still has sleep terrors sadly.

She is struggling with colours but doing very well with shapes.

She confuses warm/cold and she says she's hungry as soon as she's eaten (at times). She will often say she's tired....but only because she wants her 'snugly' which she is now (mostly) only allowed when she's in bed.

She recognises when it's windy and will often say it - I don't think she likes the wind.

She's quite my little buddy now - I miss her SO much when she's not around (which is rare of course). She is still - totally - the sunshine in my life.

Just when you think it's safe

Wouldn't you know it. Just when I'm starting to feel a little more comfortable about the whole fire situation a fire breaks out (apparently purposely lit) on 'Big Hill' which sits directly behind Mt. Beauty. What is it about these people that they have to put life and lively hood at risk. There's really not much to say about people like them. As it grew dark we could see the fire burning - but looking on the CFA site I see it's basically under control. Thank God there wasn't a strong northerly wind or we could have been in BIG trouble.

First Kinder

Friday the 13th of all days to start Kinder!...but it didn't live up to it's name....

Well - it happened. Well sort of.

Today was Ebony's first day at Kinder...although I had to be there and it was only 1.5 hours where it will be 3.5 from next week (and Mummy there only if I want to).

So how did it go? Brilliantly really. Thankfully I was a bit on the exhausted side because we had done a BIG trip into Albury the day before and we were leaving for Melbourne later that day so I was a bit out of it anyway....or it could have simply been because I was there. No matter what though - Ebony enjoyed it and I didn't feel sad. She stuck close to me most of the time - but happily played with all the things around her. Painting - finger painting - puzzles - dolls - kitchen - cars....you name it. I think the photo's show the story really - more to come next week when it's the real mccoy!

All set to go in...


my gosh doesn't she look grown up :(


in front of the 'rainbow' garden...


painting was fun!


but not as much as 'finger' painting!

Sleeping beauty

I couldn't resist sharing these photo's.
I snuck into Eb's room at about 9.30pm when she was fast asleep.
No matter what - her 'snugly' and her 'Suixi bear' are never, ever far away.....

Bushfires and a child's life

It's amazing. Today we have bushfires through so much of our State of Victoria. We tried to get some news before we went to bed last night and there was none. During the night I was up gathering toys off the deck and putting them undercover because we had (as it turned out a small amount of) rain. Then I got out of bed this morning and looked out the window to find our front deck with lots and lots of burnt leaves etc on it. That scared me.
I turned on the TV to find that Kinglake was all but gone. Kinglake is so beautiful and so 'country' considering it's so close to Melbourne. Kinglake is where I surprised Gra for his 40th birthday.
I cried - anguished cries for the loss of life and property.
Then my Mum called and said that Marysville was gone too. I couldn't believe it - I was in total shock. I didn't even believe Mum at first - then, as we were talking (and I changed channel's) I saw the report on Marysville. More tears. We had stayed in Marysville before too - actually it was the same weekend that we celebrated Gra's birthday in Kinglake. It was hard to describe the feelings I had inside. I was silently devastated. I found it hard to come to terms with all day. How does this happen so quickly - so suddenly.
My little girl, however, was oblivious - totally. For her, life went on.
I cleaned out part of our house as we're setting up a B&B here - it was good timing because I was able to be far more ruthless simply because I was seeing people who had lost family and homes - nothing seemed that important.
Anyway - I found a small shopping trolley and it brought Eb so much joy. Simple things on a far from simple day.

I love me who do you love?

I loved this video of Eb.
I had the radio on because of the horrible hot and windy day it was. I don't have it on very often - and Ebony 'found' herself it the glass of the doors and had a sweet dance to the music - whilst watching herself of course!

A first

This morning Ebony was talking to daddy about a little plastic puppy she has got as part of a dolls house we were given.
I'm not sure what daddy said to her but the next thing I heard from Ebby was
"....it's name is button"
That's a first. Giving a name to something like that hasn't happened before. How cute?

So how's the big girl bed going?

Beautifully. I can't believe how well Eb has taken to it. I'm still coming to terms with it all :)

I had to take the bed rail back and because of a long story it ended up that I didn't have one at all. Well - there was no need to replace because Eb just doesn't need it. I've included a couple of photo's taken this morning - but this is the closest she's come to falling out. It just doesn't really seem to matter. I've found her with her head hanging over the edge and I've found her completely upside down - but not out....yet!

As much as it's been hard for me I've looked for the silver lining and found it! One really wonderful thing about her being in a bed is that I can get in beside her and read to her or we can have a cuddle. It's been so special and so lovely to share these times with her - I think she's really enjoyed it to.

So, as the saying goes.....when God closes a door he always opens a window. Thank you God!

Now it's time for me to start getting emotionally ready for Kinder!