It's happened - here I am in beautiful Mt. Beauty. As I write, the sun is setting over snow capped Mt. Bogong. The peace and serenity of this valley has to be seen to be believed. I know it's not been a good snow season, but it's still spectacular. I go to sleep at night and it is SO incredibly quiet it's hard to describe.
I'm finding the transition more difficult that Graham - he's settled in beautifully and hasn't looked back - I had to remind him on Sunday that I'm leaving behind so much of what and who is important to me. Most of my family and all my friends who have walked the journey of adoption with me over the past 2 years. I know I'll be ok - it's just going to be difficult for a while. I wake up in the morning and there is absolutely NO pressure at all. It's hard to believe after what life was like in Melbourne. I'm not working at this stage - I'm trusting God will open doors if that's what He wants me to do, but I won't be surprised if he simply wants me to "be" for a while and not "do". I feel much better today - yesterday was a tough day. I arrived up here last Wednesday and then had to go back to Melbourne for the day on Saturday. It was fun but exhausting. I guess I'll get used to it!
We're in temporary accommodation which still has beautiful views, but obviously is not the place to put our roots down. I'm praying that this will be where we bring little Ebony Grace home to (because of the timing more so than anything).
Today the CCAA updated their site to show that they have now matched up to 22nd July - not at all what I had hoped. I really hoped they would process to the end of July - but they didn't. What does it mean - who knows? Every month I think the picture will become more clear - but it doesn't. I'm still believing in my heart that we will travel in December - I can't possibly bring myself to believe anything else. I'll deal with it when and if I have to. There is simply too much change happening at the moment for me to try and deal with what may or may not happen. Officially we now have 28 days between when they have referred to (22nd June 05) and when we will be referred (when they reach 19th August 05).
In the meantime I spend hours sending and answering emails explaining how much things have changed over the past week - planning for the new home with Graham and dreaming of what life will look like in the next chapter.
I'm finding the transition more difficult that Graham - he's settled in beautifully and hasn't looked back - I had to remind him on Sunday that I'm leaving behind so much of what and who is important to me. Most of my family and all my friends who have walked the journey of adoption with me over the past 2 years. I know I'll be ok - it's just going to be difficult for a while. I wake up in the morning and there is absolutely NO pressure at all. It's hard to believe after what life was like in Melbourne. I'm not working at this stage - I'm trusting God will open doors if that's what He wants me to do, but I won't be surprised if he simply wants me to "be" for a while and not "do". I feel much better today - yesterday was a tough day. I arrived up here last Wednesday and then had to go back to Melbourne for the day on Saturday. It was fun but exhausting. I guess I'll get used to it!
We're in temporary accommodation which still has beautiful views, but obviously is not the place to put our roots down. I'm praying that this will be where we bring little Ebony Grace home to (because of the timing more so than anything).
Today the CCAA updated their site to show that they have now matched up to 22nd July - not at all what I had hoped. I really hoped they would process to the end of July - but they didn't. What does it mean - who knows? Every month I think the picture will become more clear - but it doesn't. I'm still believing in my heart that we will travel in December - I can't possibly bring myself to believe anything else. I'll deal with it when and if I have to. There is simply too much change happening at the moment for me to try and deal with what may or may not happen. Officially we now have 28 days between when they have referred to (22nd June 05) and when we will be referred (when they reach 19th August 05).
In the meantime I spend hours sending and answering emails explaining how much things have changed over the past week - planning for the new home with Graham and dreaming of what life will look like in the next chapter.
3 comments:
It's difficult for me to sit miles and miles away from you and hear you struggling. It just makes me feel so helpless - but I feel you are where God wants you to be.
I agree that work will be in God's timing too! I think it is important for you to just spend time with Gra and with God. Not only that but you've still got the odd committment or too in Melbourne which may complicate a work situation!
Just to let you know the dreaming you're doing about your future is not being done alone! I'm currently living the dream with Beccy. Ebony is a part of her vocab already which warms my heart (as I'm sure it does yours!).
I'm always here for you - only a phone call or email away!
Love you heaps, Bernie
oh jen, my heart goes out to you as i read your words of struggle and wrestling that's going on in your heart and spirit at the moment...it echoes my own hearts cry not so long ago. i wish i had fantastic words to say that would make it easier to bear. but life is never that simple....and pain is pain...and disappointment is a cruel experience some times.
all i do know for sure is that God is not cruel, is totally the opposite, and i think He sits with us in the dust sometimes and just never lets us grieve alone....which doesn't feel like much comfort at the time, but in retrospect it becomes a treasured knowledge in your journey.
maybe this is a season to let your soul just "be" .....just be alive and breathe.....and REST....and let your soul plunge into even deeper trust in your God....i believe with all of my heart that God will not forget you.....i am saying a prayer right now for your soul to be soothed and strengthened and for HOPE to quietly and calmly re-establish itself in your heart every morning when you wake up.
wish i was there to give you a hug!
you are surrounded by the love and prayers of many,
love helena.
God must certainly have something so very, very special in mind for you and Gra and Ebony Grace. My prayer is that His perfect peace would be your portion at this time. I miss your presence here but look forward with joy to visiting you in glorious Mt. Beauty. Which by the way, is made so much more beautiful with you in it. Bless you until we meet again, friend...
Love lots,
Tan.
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