I've had a very difficult week with Ebony and I feel to share this with others who are waiting - because to hide it would not be helpful.
2 times in this last week Ebony has woken from sleep during the night and has been inconsolable - she has not wanted me to touch her, talk to her, sing to her anything. If I did pick her up she still didn't want to be comforted and if I tried to put her down she would scream louder. Then on Saturday it happened at her daytime sleep. She was almost asleep when I tried to creep out of the room - she woke and then it started. It was awful and words can't describe the feelings I went through for the next hour or so. At first I was a bit cross with her because I honestly thought she was fighting sleep - but as the minutes unfolded I found it wasn't that at all. She was having some kind of 'terror' happening. Some call it sleep terrors. It's common when a child has been home about 3 months and it is incredibly sad to watch and I felt so helpless. At some point God gave me a picture of what was happening in Ebony's heart and I ended up sobbing myself (this was after about an hour + of her screaming) - it was my tears that seemed to soothe Ebony and within 10 minutes she was asleep on my chest as I lay on my bed. She was still sobbing in her sleep (as was I). It was horrible, but it has certainly given me a taste of how desperate her grief must be. I spoke to my friend and mentor later that night and she said it can be because Ebony is now really beginning to trust us - but with that trust comes much uncertainty. It's Monday now and it hasn't happened again - although she is still unsettled as she sleeps.
Thankfully I'm old enough (or wise enough or something!) to know this isn't a reflection of my/our parenting - and that's what I want to say to those reading this and waiting. If this happens to you, it's not your fault. It's part of your child settling in and is fairly common. I'm not sure if any of the other 5 girls that we traveled with are struggling with the same issue - I'll find out soon enough I guess.
4 comments:
Hi Jen - so sorry to read about this. Elísabet has experienced about the same thing as you are describing. It is very hard to listen to her crys and feeling so helpless :( She has though be willing to let us hold her when she wakes up from her crying. I´ve heard about this can happen to adopted babys. It seems it´s something they have to go through for a while. So I do understand how you are feeling.
Love and hugs - Kitta :)
Dear Jen,
I am so glad that you are able to see that this situation isn't a reflection of your parenting ability. The grief for these little adopted children must be so great and fearsome - you are doing such a great job with Ebony, and with God's help to strengthen and guide you I know you will continue to be a great mum. Thanks for sharing the truth and hardships with us, yes, we need to hear it now. Next time one of my bio kids has a night terror I will look on it as a fresh opportunity to prepare myself for my adopted daughter while I care for my little one.
God bless you all,
Missy.
Jen,
You are blessed to have been given the gift from God of being able to feel the sorrows of your daughter! If the world could feel one anothers sorrow it would be a much more compasionate place! Bless you!
Hi Jen,
Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. Although I haven't experienced this with my two (bio) kids, I have a dear friend who has adopted twice from China who has, so I can empathise greatly with you. Hang in there - you are a fantastic Mama, and God will give you the strength to be the rock that Ebony needs right now.
Blessings,
Cristina
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