I don't want to forget a single moment if that was possible - but it isn't.
Something did happen today that showed me how much my life has changed.
We were at our soon to be new home and Ebony was sitting on the kitchen bench (while I was delving in the lunch esky) as she does because it's been much safer up there than on the ground! and we don't have chairs for her yet. Never been a problem in any way.
I was just coming up from my bending and Ebony launched herself at me - totally trusting that I would be ready for her. Actually I was in the nappy bag when I think of it because the nappy ended up metres away! I must have flung it as I worked my arms toward grabbing her. She would have ended up face down on the tiles and it wouldn't have been nice. I was shocked and terrified - I've never had a situation that was quite like that - I fought tears and my shock caused Ebony to cry too. She wasn't hurt at all. Graham was there and saw the end result and all he could say was "you are so white" - that shows my shock as I clung her to me and tears rolled down my face. Why do I say this? because it shows me that I am no longer 'I' - I'm 'we'. It shows me a glimpse of what I would do for this girl and what it would mean to me if she was hurt. I've never been through feelings like that before - I know I've suffered when Graham has hurt himself - but he is an adult and it's so totally different to have a child dependent on you - and to have her really trusting me - especially with where she comes from. It's an awesome responsibility and one I don't take lightly. I just never realized until today what this dimension of being a 'mummy' means.
1 comment:
Oh Jen how scary!! I am just so pleased that you got to Ebony in time. Welcome to the world of feeling your child's pain - it is a scary, humbling and exhilarating place to be. She loves and trusts you SO much - and you are there for her. She knows that, and is showing you, which is such a blessing.
Cristina xx
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