I just don't know how people do it? I'm not judging anyone - but I'm afraid being away from little girl is one of the hardest things I've done.
I know I'm exhausted and maybe I'm not thinking particularly clearly - but this is the 4th day out of 5 that I have had to work. Usually I leave her with Tanya - but today I couldn't. Either way has it's pitfalls. Eb's been so wonderful going to Tan's, but the last 2 times she's cried when I leave - that's very hard. Today I took her with me while I was cleaning - she was beside me when I picked up a vase from beside the bed to dust under it and it fell apart. I was shocked and may have let out a sound - whatever happened it reduced Eb to tears and then both her and I were sitting on the floor in someone else's home crying. I sobbed actually because I never, ever planned that I would have to work while I still had Eb at home. It's so sad when you see your dreams change into something you never wanted. Life has been very, very challenging and we have had to put our home on the market which has broken both Mummy and Daddy's hearts - but we are looking forward to a time when we are not struggling to make ends meet all the time. This wasn't the plan at all, but unfortunately a business we had back in Melbourne (a franchise actually) was going to be bought back from us and they have now renegged - it leaves us in a very dicey position (very long story). Anyway, we're both hanging in there - but some days are really, really tough. Today is one of them. I have another 3 days of work ahead without a break and it's very physical work.
Hard work isn't a problem for me - leaving Ebony is. Or having her beside me but having to stop her doing this or that or simply not being about to really 'be' with her is just too hard. I've tried to get my head around how others do it - but I'm afraid I just can't. Maybe having to wait SO long has made me more aware of how incredibly precious each moment is. I hope that I won't have to continue this work load for too long. If our home sells it will certainly relieve the financial burden. God knows - I know I don't.
4 comments:
Hi Jen.
I've been following your blog for quite some time. I'm a fellow Victorian in the process of adopting. I'm not quite sure how I stumbled across your blog, but I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and hope things get easier soon.
It is very clear that you both love little Ebony with all your heart, and that is what she will know and remember as she grows up.
Amanda.
Hi Jen
I hear ya! I know exactly what you are going through.
I have been back at work from mat leave for 6 months. I have hated every minute away from my girl.
So this past Monday I resigned.
Money will be tight but the Lord will provide our needs and Lily will have plenty of mummy time that she needs.
Sending you a cyber hug
Rachel
Sending you a cyberhug. There is light at the end of the tunnel. and don't forget God has promised to provide all your needs.
I have been back at work 6 months from mat leave and just resigned on Monday. I need to be home with Lily and i just couldn't do it anymore. Money will be tight but we are stepping out in faith.
I will be praying for you guys that things will change and money won't be so tight.
Hugs
Rachel
Hi Jen, I just wanted to let you know our thoughts and prayers are with you. What a difficult time you are having. We pray you can find rest in God, and each minute with your little Eb can be somehow miraculously longer than each minute you have to spend apart.
And we pray for an end to this soon.
Love Fiona McN.
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