My (Ebony) first holiday!!!! (part one.....)

We've just returned from what mummy and daddy called our first family holiday...whatever it was - it sure was fun! I got to spend LOTS of time with both mummy and daddy which was really, really special!
We stayed with Auntie Kate, Uncle Jim and Eliza (who came home to her mummy and daddy the same day as me) on the Saturday night and then caught a 6am flight to Cairns via Brisbane. I liked the flight but wasn't too happy about being woken at 4am! and it was so cold in Melbourne. Anyway the first flight was sort of ok - then some how or other mummy managed to get me to sleep about 1/2 hour before we got on the second flight (I think I heard mummy say she was more tired than me by that stage :) Mummy was so clever - she brought along a portable DVD player so I could watch my favorite DVD's.....isn't she smart?









We were so glad to get to our accommodation - but unfortunately when we got there it was on the first floor and there were no lifts!!! - mummy said to warn all the other girls to tell their mummy's to make sure anywhere they stay is on the ground floor - especially if they like the outdoors like me! It wasn't too bad traipsing up and down stairs - but I didn't like it as much - I just wanted to be outside and the balcony wasn't big enough! So we spent lots of time walking around. The pool wasn't really any good for me either - even the small one was too deep - so mummy and me just had as much fun as we could together.
One thing mummy keeps talking about was the portacot that was given to us by the Hotel - it had gorgeous ladybirds and flowers and butterflies on it, but they had rattles in them - mummy couldn't believe that ANYONE would put rattle things in a cot! but they did - she said something about it making perfect sense to someone obviously....but not to a mother! I don't understand - but I guess some of you will!












Another great thing mummy and daddy did was to bring along my 3 wheel stroller! I love it and it helped so much!. I even slept in it!

Well - then it was a done thing and we were really on holidays.





Lots of walks and parks and swims - mummy kept saying the weather was beautiful. I don't know what 'weather' is but I sure had fun - I could run around in my bathers and spend time in the water. We hired a car on Tuesday and went to a place called 'Cape Tribulation' - there I got to play on a real beach for the first time in my life and I LOVED IT! it was SO much fun. I could have stayed all day! I started of in my clothes.....but it wasn't long before I was in my bathers!....
The first photo is me and mummy when I had my clothes on - the second one is some Chinese that had been written in the sand - mummy wishes she could read it! and the third one is the face I pull when I say 'help' - don't understand why mummy thinks it's so cute - but she does.
The fourth one is me on daddy's shoulders at Mossman Gorge on the way back to Palm Cove.









I didn't want to eat much on this holiday - I was having too much fun! Mummy was a bit concerned - but shouldn't have been - I ate when I felt like it, but I just missed mummy's home cooking :)

Mummy said I slept very well considering we were all in the same room for the first 5 nights. I slept about 1 to 1 + 1/2 hours during the day and about 11-12 over night. I love my sleep! I did have one night just before we came home where I didn't go to sleep until about 9.30pm and woke up at 4am the next morning - I was fine but mummy was very, very tired!

Cairns itself was so much fun (we stayed at Palm Cove for the first 5 nights) - Cairns has this amazing walkway (boardwalk) that is a looonnnnggg walk and along the way is lots of fun things for me to do.....here's a picture of the great swimming lagoon I mentioned before....



uh oh! mummy says it's time to stop now....gee! I'll come back and tell you about the rest later. Mummy's are great - but sometimes they spoil my fun :(

My heart....

At the time of this post, it's only 17 days until my little girl turns two.
But you know what is absorbing so much of my thinking?.....her birth mummy.
I can't help but continue to be drawn into thinking about what she may be going through. How she must be feeling. We pray for Ebony's birth parents every single night - but somehow nothing seems enough. I guess I'm being prepared in some way for how my little girl will feel in the years to come. I frequently get tears in my eyes as I think about where her birth mummy was 2 years ago. The heartache she was most likely suffering knowing that it was only a short time until she had to part with the child she had carried for 9 months. How can she ever know the joy that her pain would bring. How can she ever know the gorgeous girl she has birthed. I don't quite know what to do with the feelings I have - all I can do is continue to pray that somehow, some way Ebony's birth parents know in their hearts that she is safe and happy. I don't know that that's really possible - but I have to try and believe.
Yes - there will come a time when Ebony will be able to read this. I hope more than anything that there is compassion in her heart and that she too understands. It's a risk I know - but at this particular time I don't ever want her to think I didn't think of her birth mummy often. I don't know whether I'll even use the term 'birth mummy' - I probably won't - but at the moment, that's what my heart is feeling.
Again, I just want to thank everyone for their beautiful emails and post - you all make my day so special when I receive your thoughts and kindness. This blog has done far more for me than I ever dreamed it would.

Sleeping...

I sat and watched our little girl sleeping today.
A soft smile touched my lips, and then tears filled my eyes.
Is it really true...is she really mine? Will I have her for as long as I live and will she never be taken away? There's no answer to those questions, but I do know that she will never, ever, never leave the place she has in my heart.
I decided it's time to put aside the grief of losing my 'baby' and time to start enjoying each day I have with her as my 'toddler'. That time will pass all to soon too.
My heart can't take any more. She's more than I could ever have dreamed of. I would die for her and yet I live every day for her. I'm consumed by the love I feel for her. I watch her and learn - she watches me and learns. What is life going to be like over the days, weeks, months and years ahead. She's nearly two. It's nearly time to celebrate the first birthday she will ever have celebrated. A time of profound joy and love. A time to be grateful that I'm finally a mummy. A time to be grateful that I have now experienced the kind of love that only a mummy could experience.

Here's my girl enjoying a bath at Numurkah....

...with hair created by 'ties taken out'...

How much joy can one child bring???

I don't think I'll ever get over the joy that my precious little girl brings me.

Did I ever really question if it was all worth it? Now I just don't know how I could have ... but I know that's because she's here.

Every day brings a new joy. Finally everything has settled around here and it's amazing what a difference it makes when I can spend time with Ebony. She is starting to say 'more' very clearly...and with an understanding of what it means. She's trying to say 'help' and 'hi' which sound so cute!
Last night she woke up at about 10pm (any wonder after 3 1/2 hours sleep during the day!) and when I finally put her back to bed for the first time - she just wanted to hold my hand in her little hand - through the cot ... and she didn't want to let go. It was so sweet and such a beautiful feeling to have her wanting desperately to hold onto my hand.

I feel so proud of Ebony. She was very sick last week...I'm still waiting to hear from the doctor if it was my fault or not. I came home from Melbourne and the next day (last Friday) I made Ebony lunch, which included the ham in the fridge. I thanked Graham that night for buying some ham and he said "I haven't bought any ham"! alarm bells went off immediately and we realised it was 2 week old ham (I'd been away a week). Well the next morning the vomiting and diarrhea started. The vomiting lasted 4 days and the diarrhea lasted about 6. The doctor doesn't know if it was the ham or a bug...so he's taken tests and I'm waiting for the results.
I know I'm not a bad mummy...it was a very innocent mistake and if I could reverse it I would. It was awful to see her so sick and so lacking in energy. She even lost 1/2 kg in that time poor little girl. The good thing about children is that when they are good they are good and when they are bad they are bad. She spent a lot of time just lying in my arms - which was the silver lining for me. She also slept ALOT! 2-3 hours every day.

Anyway she was just about back to normal by last Friday and Sunday we visited Graham's mum and dad (a surprise for them) and I couldn't believe how my little girl 'performed'. She just loves being around people and she had a ball (even though she only slept about 20 minutes all day). It was a total of 6 hours in the car and she did so well. It was so worth the visit though.
Anyway - time for some more photo's of my angel.....

Playing in the park

Had to let you all enjoy this video too - the reason she doesn't say 'nana' when I ask her too is because she gets distracted by the people in the background. What I found really interesting about this trip to the park was that - for the first time - she got very excited when she saw the playground...that's a(nother) first!

My girl at 22 months old

Ebony's new room

I forgot to post pictures on the last post....so here are some photo's of my little girl's new room!

Now it's 22 months and 6 months home

The clock keeps ticking....the days come and go....I'm saying goodbye to my baby and hello to my toddler..........am I ready? absolutely no way...not at all.
It's been a bit more difficult this month.....for many, many reasons.
Moving hasn't helped. We had to plant out our garden before we moved and then we moved over 2 weekends and packed/unpacked either side of the weekends, so it was 5-6 weeks of really hard work. Hard on my body and hard on my little girl. So many 'ubs' that had to be answered with a 'no' because my arms were full of boxes/plants/furniture. It broke my heart and has definitely had an effect on her. I haven't had the 'normal' time I would have for her and I can pick it in the way she is. I know it will pass - but at the moment I'm grieving the relationship we had. I'm grieving losing my baby girl too. I just don't feel ready to let go. It seems like only yesterday she was still a baby - and I'm so grateful that I was able to experience that stage - but now she is no longer a baby, she's a true toddler. She's growing up so quickly physically too. She's gained almost a cm per month since she was placed in our arms and she has finally added a kg to her weight. She's also finally in size '1'.
But having said all that - my love for her grows and grows. She is starting to give beautiful 'kisses' now. Not hugging much - but kisses to die for.
Her vocabulary still hasn't changed a lot - but I know it won't be too long. She's getting very frustrated because she can't get her point across and I know that is the precursor to finding the words. It hasn't been easy on her hearing one language for 16 months and then changing. She's adapted amazingly.
She is certainly becoming more independent. Yuck!!! and yet yes I know - it's all good. She still eats almost anything and still LOVES being outside. It's now getting VERY cold here in Mt. Beauty so we can't go outside except on those beautiful winters days. We've gone for a few walks together and I've let her walk (run actually!) down the hill from home. She just giggles the whole way.
We had her dedicated on Sunday and it was a truly special occasion for us. So, so many people came along to see her dedicated and we managed to catch up with many people we hadn't seen before. Ps. Allan at Careforce was kind enough to do Ebony's dedication - which was very special for me having been his PA for a few years and having traveled some part of my journey with him. I was delighted to be able to do this at Careforce and am grateful to them for 'fitting us in' a non-scheduled week at late notice. She is now 'officially' dedicated to God and that makes me very, very content.
Here are some current photo's of my little toddler for you all to enjoy....

A new place to call home

Yes, we are finally settled in our new home.
I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. The photo's below will tell you why to some extent. The first morning we woke in the new home we felt like we must have been on holidays. The mountains were covered in snow and all we could see looking from our bed was the snow capped mountains and the clear blue sky. It was like being in heaven. Each day is so different - the views are seldom identical - even though mountains don't change.
I've visited our block SO many times - I've worked there - I've celebrated Ebony's allocation on the deck there - I've gardened - I've cleaned - I've done lots and lots over the past 10 months. But nothing prepared me for how spectacular the views are from behind glass and in front of a warm fire or tucked away in bed. It's amazing and it's indescribable. I hope the photo's will do it justice.
I've unpacked every box and almost everything is in a place. I've hung most of my pictures...just need my dad back home so he can make me some more frames for the photo's I've taken!
It has been a very exhausting experience and that's taken away some of my joy. The afternoon before we were due to move in, the cleaners I had organised to clean the place in preparation for us - pulled out. I was devastated. I still can't work out how someone could do that. It was very cold and wet and there was no heating there - but I had to rug my little girl up and take her there with me and clean windows, window sills, wardrobes, bathrooms. The house had not been cleaned at all since it had been exposed to the elements during the building process. I was already exhuasted from gardening and packing and it almost tipped me over the edge. But after a bit of a 'bad attitude' session, I picked myself up and dusted myself off and got stuck into it. It came up looking great - although I have a couple of things to address here and there - but it's done. I ended up paying someone to do the more professional job of the windows inside and out once we were in which helped.
Anyway - I'm in Melbourne at the moment, but am really looking forward to getting home at the end of the week and enjoying my new home with a more rested body and and much better state of mind.
Enjoy some photo's of our slice of heaven.

Some special things about my girl...

It's been such a long time since I've posted...well for me anyway! We've moved and so much has happened. This won't be my normal wordy post but I just wanted to share some of the gorgeous things my girl is doing at the moment...
** You should see her face when she 'hears' her bottle being prepared - she is more excited about it than anything else at the moment!
** One of the gorgeous things she does is she 'hides' behind her chubby little hands when she wants to play 'boo'
** When we are out walking in the pusher she puts her hand back toward mine - just so I can hold her hand
** She is often 'upside' down in the cot when I go to do my final night time check. I know that won't be the case for much longer! It's so cute to see arms and legs everywhere and her toes where her nose should be!
** She has this habit of "drawing a big breath" after drinking water.....it's so cute - it's like she hasn't had a drink for hours and hours and she really plays on it.

Ebony is growing and changing more than I want her too - but she's a happy contented little girl - what more could I ask for???? Enjoy some photo's....

Is she really 21 months....

I don't know that I will approach or 'celebrate' a milestone month without thinking of Ebony's birth mummy and daddy. I weep for what they are missing out on - for the little toddler she is and wish so strongly that they could somehow see how happy and wonderful she is. But I can't and I think that will always make me sad.
The days and months are running into each other more than anyone could imagine...especially me.
Times have been fairly tough at the moment...on Ebony and on me. Trying to spend time with my little girl in amongst packing, unpacking, cleaning and cleaning....and cleaning - haven't been easy. I know she's suffering to some extent and so am I. I'm so exhausted all the time - but I know this will change. Photo's will come in the next post - there is just too much happening at the moment and I can barely write I'm so exhausted....

Something happened today...

I don't want to forget a single moment if that was possible - but it isn't.
Something did happen today that showed me how much my life has changed.
We were at our soon to be new home and Ebony was sitting on the kitchen bench (while I was delving in the lunch esky) as she does because it's been much safer up there than on the ground! and we don't have chairs for her yet. Never been a problem in any way.
I was just coming up from my bending and Ebony launched herself at me - totally trusting that I would be ready for her. Actually I was in the nappy bag when I think of it because the nappy ended up metres away! I must have flung it as I worked my arms toward grabbing her. She would have ended up face down on the tiles and it wouldn't have been nice. I was shocked and terrified - I've never had a situation that was quite like that - I fought tears and my shock caused Ebony to cry too. She wasn't hurt at all. Graham was there and saw the end result and all he could say was "you are so white" - that shows my shock as I clung her to me and tears rolled down my face. Why do I say this? because it shows me that I am no longer 'I' - I'm 'we'. It shows me a glimpse of what I would do for this girl and what it would mean to me if she was hurt. I've never been through feelings like that before - I know I've suffered when Graham has hurt himself - but he is an adult and it's so totally different to have a child dependent on you - and to have her really trusting me - especially with where she comes from. It's an awesome responsibility and one I don't take lightly. I just never realized until today what this dimension of being a 'mummy' means.

The day that was...Mothers Day!

What a great day it was! Believe it or not I saw Mothers Day for the first time at 12.20am! when Ebony woke up crying. I bought her into bed with us and then, after an hour, decided none of us were sleeping, so headed out to the lounge room - when, another hour later she starting saying more of her 'fun' things - I decided it was time for bed! I put her back to bed 2 hours after getting her up - at 2.20am and never heard another word until morning! I was presented with a beautiful, beautiful card from Gra and Ebony - one titled 'mummy' - the words I've LONGED to see on a card - it was beautiful.
Then it was off to Church where we experienced a beautiful heartfelt and very emotional message from our Pastor and 2 of his girls - it was very touching.
Then the fun started...we headed home for lunch, then donned our outdoor clothes and headed to the new home....just the 3 of us - and planted plants! Yep! it was great fun. Ebony slept for 2 1/2 hours while I worked in the garden and then we she woke she helped mummy and daddy in whatever they were doing. Not long after Ebony and I headed home for a bath and got ready to go out to dinner at 'The Bogong Hotel' - it was a lovely night and Ebony was very well behaved and, after staying in her highchair for over an hour, she decided it was time to entertain everyone else in the Hotel! I took great delight in watching her interact with others. It was really fun. We then headed home, took a couple of photo's and Eb went to bed while we relaxed for a while.
Nothing spectacular - just a beautiful memorable family day doing what we love and getting our home ready to move in - hopefully this weekend or next!
Ebony is growing and changing every single day. She is so much fun - I said to Gra yesterday morning that I think she's going to be quite a character and she seems to have a real sense of humour - that will be good for us all! Here's some of our fun photo's!

My girl

I'll be doing a Mothers Day post straight after this one...but wanted to share some more of my 'joys'.
Ebony is still very much a mummy's girl at the moment (very appropriate for Mothers Day!). I love it :)
She is just a joy to be with and we fill our days with so much fun. She still, constantly, wants to be "ub" and I just do it whenever I can. She's now back to doing Hip, hip 'hooray' and lifts her hands above her head. She still loves 'Twinkle, twinkle and is often saying 'ubabov' so we can sing with her.
She loves music and will 'dance' as soon as it's on - so, so cute to watch.
She's taken to 'launching' of the top step of our external stairs as soon as I head up them to pick her up (after putting all the 'stuff' in the car!) - so cute, but a little dangerous - not sure how to stop this one.
She loves 'run, run, run' when we chase her.
One of my greatest joys at the moment is when she is a bit unsure, or upset, she will cuddle into me including tucking her hands under her body against my chest. Melts my heart! She's giving kisses with a bit of encouragement.
She is wearing her hair up a lot these days and is very good at leaving it that way remarkably!
She's sleeping beautifully during the day - regardless of where she is - here or at the new home. 2-3 hours without fail. Praise God!
She cries out most nights, a number of times, but not enough to get me up. Not sure what that's all about at this stage.
She still loves her veggies and really dislikes anything tinned! Can't complain really. She also loves chicken, meat and fish. Wow! how lucky am I?
She's beginning to enjoy cleaning her teeth (well sort of!).
What else? uhmmm....
so many things, but can't think at the moment :)
I know I say it often, but I'm so besotted and overwhelmed at God's goodness in giving me the perfect little girl for me. She is strong willed, but I pray that will turn out the right way! She sings her little heart out in the car - loves people so much - enjoys the other children at playgroup - LOVES her daddy..the list goes on.
Well, I'll let you just enjoy some more photo's in the meantime ....she's still in some size 0's and fast moving into 1's. She still about 11kg by our scales - so not much weight gain, but plenty of height! The 'hair' one is after I took her 'pigtails' out and after she'd had a sleep - gotta love it!

The Suixi (swayshi) girls reunion......

Well, what a weekend it was.
We stayed with Mei's mummy and daddy (Ruth and Chris) Friday and Saturday night. Unfortunately Ebony hadn't had much sleep on Thursday night because we went to friends place for a beautiful dinner - then Friday was VERY late - she didn't get to bed until 11.30PM! latest night ever since being with us.
We woke Saturday morning (normal time) and helped Ruth for a while - then Ebony had a sleep and I went and did a little shopping (how I miss city shopping!).
When I returned Ebony was still asleep - and then the others started to arrive.
When Ebony woke I had to dress her ready for the day - all a bit of a rush, but fun anyway.
It was such a great day - with lots of fun times for the girls. They all did so well - played either together or near each other most of the time. Ruth and Chris did an outstanding job, with their deck almost complete for the day. There was food supplied by everyone - but I have to give credit to Mandy Moo for her fabulous 'tea cups'.....

It was also 'fun' to try to get another 'group' photo like we did in China!!!!! 6 girls between 16 and 20 months....photo!!! you have to be kidding....this was about the best I could do. I've also added a photo of the 6 girls on the famous 'red couch' in china on 3/1/07 for you all to compare!


Well, our weekend continued on from there and we didn't get home until Monday lunchtime - but it was well worth it. We got to spend good time with Ruth, Chris and Mei - Mei was in the cot directly beside Ebony - which will always be special to us.
Fun was had by all - the 'fish ponds' that surround the deck at Ruth and Chris's got a few extra fingers and toes in them (even Mandy Moo's) and the new deck got a good try out. The rain held out and it was just great to see everyone doing so well and obviously so happy as their new 'forever families'.....
It was also lovely to see our 'education session' buddies - Aislinn who arrived home to Australia in September 06 and newly home "Pearl Chun Ni" join us....here is a photo of Sandi and Aislinn....

Contemplating Mothers Day...

So, so many sad Mothers Day gone by - what will this one mean? I have a dear friend who lost her mum 3 years ago and I'd never before thought of the sadness of Mothers Day without my mum. My friend has suffered a double dose of pain over the past 3 years as she, like me, has traveled the road of adoption - this year she celebrates her first Mothers Day as a mum - but without her mum. Her special day will still be tinged with sadness. I guess one day I will have to face Mothers Day without my mum - but I hope not soon.

Graham and I were talking about buying me something special for Mothers Day - something to remember the day with. I went away for a couple of days and today I said to him - 'I really - really don't need anything - you have given me the best Mothers Day present you could ever have given me by giving me Ebony.' I couldn't have done it without him. I don't need another thing - she's it and she will always be the reason I now celebrate Mothers Day.

I don't think I will ever forget the pain of years gone by - even now, when I see a 'Mothers Day' advertisement on TV it takes me back. I'm sure the years will slowly wash away that pain. I'm looking forward to just celebrating this amazing occasion - at the age of 47 - with my husband and my daughter.

Now for my little Ebony. Gosh she is growing fast...and changing. She's so totally beautiful and so much fun to be around. She's still not saying a lot, but I know that will come. She's experimenting a lot with sounds and she is definitely comprehending even more. At the moment she loves "up" and says it more clearly now. She loves 'run, run, run' when I chase her around the house and we both fall over together giggling. Yes! she giggles and I LOVE it - it sounds SO cute! She now says "mow" cow too (how cute is that!) She still gets incredibly excited morning and night when she knows her bottle is on the way and LOVES her bath! She is sleeping incredibly well - has averaged 2 1/2 - 3 hours during the day most days this week - and two of those have been at the new house while I've worked in the garden. I've been amazed because we have sheep/geese/roosters beside us (right near her window) and I've had to keep the window open so I know when she wakes) and she has still slept almost 3 hours there! Amazing child. Maybe it's another growth spurt! She is just starting to 'stack' things too - not just destruct anymore. She still loves outside and loves it when Daddy comes home.

We had a big weekend with a get together of the 6 Suixi (Orphanage) girls. I think the mummy's in particular were actually looking forward to the day more than the girls !?! - but it was more wonderful than words can express to see the other girls and how well they are growing and developing. It's gorgeous. I just wish we lived a little closer! I'll post more info in the next post.

We're nearly there ... an update on our new home!

Yes! finally - I'm so sorry to all who have been asking for pictures! I've been just a little distracted :)
Our new home is getting SO close - finally. We hope to start the move in on the 19th May - that's nearly 2 weeks away! It's such an awesome feeling. Anyway - I'm sure you're more interested in photo's - so here they are....enjoy!