We're back on line

It has been the most amazing few days - my heart has been all over the place. I'm emotionally exhausted. I am SO glad we took the journey down to Ebony's Orphanage - but I don't know that my life will ever be the same because of it. It was a wonderful day and a horrible day all in one. The Orphanage staff were so helpful and so grateful. I shed so many tears on that day. As we pulled up at the Orphanage the tears started and by the time we were sitting all together at the Directors table I was weeping and couldn't stop. He wanted to thank us and yet all I wanted to do was express my gratitude to them for looking after my little girl so well.
Seeing the inside of the Orphanage was a huge shock. I guess it's probably one of the better Orphanages, but I don't know that anything prepares you for what we saw. There were so many children that were all in their cot's at 11am in the morning. A few were sleeping and most were standing - some crying. There was the smell of urine and just a group of cots cluttered together. Their resources are so low. We were shown were Ebony spent the first 16 months of her life - she slept right next to Mei Gethen - the youngest child in our group. I had actually thought the day before that they had a bit of a connection.
We also got to peep in the nursery section and their I got to 'love on' a beautiful little hair lip/cleft palate baby. She was beautiful and she was very sad. I did all I could in a small space of time. But I've walked away trying to work out what more I can do to help them.
The next part of our journey (after lunch) - was the girls finding places. We were first and nothing could have prepared me for the gamet of feelings that fell on me. I was distraught and confused and so, so sad. What makes the world such that mummy's and daddy's have to leave their child in a place like this? I don't know that I will ever fully understand. I understand the parents and my heart cries out for their pain - but how could a government turn a blind eye to the realities? I was just a complete wreck for the rest of that day and woke up the next day feeling like I had been hit really hard. I still can't come to terms with it and yet I'll be eternally grateful we were given the opportunity. There are now fewer questions in my heart.
I just look at my little girl - at the miracle she is and I weep for the carers who have lost her and the mummy that had to make the difficult choice and who is missing out on such a joyful, happy and beautiful little girl. Here are some photo's. The ones with me with my hair up are firstly at the orphanage and secondly with the gold pillar's behind me - at the finding place. The third with me is on a tour the next day - loving being a mum to a sleeping beauty and finally in the bath - happy and loving it!