Friday, July 14, 2006

How am I feeling?

These are such interesting times for me. We have so much happening it's almost beyond my ability to cope. If I thought too deeply about what's going on I think I'd collapse. Our home has sold and we are moving out in 3 weeks. We have been offered a 3 bedroom home in Mt. Beauty rent free while we build - which is an incredible blessing. We move on the 4th August and then come back to Melbourne on Monday 7th and (thank God!) we leave for 8 nights on the Sunshine Coast - which couldn't be better timed. We return on Thursday 17th August and then on Monday 21st, Graham will officially move up to Mt. Beauty and I'll move in with my brother Mark, his wife Bern and my 2 beautiful nieces Bec (3.5) and Lizzie (1). There I'll stay until China (whilst we try and build a home in Mt. Beauty!). Gosh! Adopting - building a home - moving - living apart........I can't believe it's all happening - and SO fast. I feel extremely overwhelmed - but I know it will be OK - it will all happen. I just don't know how at this stage. Work is also a puzzle for me - I love working at the Church and they are being so incredible loving and gracious. I know it's hard on them, trying to plan around my uncertainties - they are an awesome group of people to work with. I am continually fighting feelings of disconnectedness and I guess uselessness. I'll just fill in the spots wherever I'm needed and pray that I'm useful.
I've already started packing and the room that I lovingly painted and decorated has now been dismantled :( It's hard to believe Ebony will never sleep in there!
On the adoption front - I'm just waiting for the next lot of allocations to come through, which should be in the next 10 days. That will tell us ALOT about what will happen from here. I'll certainly post when I hear the next lot of news!

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Written by Jen for Ebony Grace

I did it! I put my thoughts into a poem whilst I was away at Lakes Entrance last weekend. It's far from perfect - but it comes from the heart....

My darling little Ebony Grace
How much I long to see your face
Such emptiness has my heart long felt
Yet I know when I see you just how it will melt.

A lifetime of sadness, a hole not yet filled
Yet God’s loving plan will see my tears stilled
He formed you and made you – especially for me
He’s watching your life now – as He does so you’ll see.

My love for you sweetheart seems so intense
There’s times when I wonder if it really makes sense
Sometimes I try to picture your face
And often I imagine your baby embrace.

How different my life is going to be
I can’t even express how that thought sets me free
I pray that the journey that brings us together
Will move along quickly so we’re a family forever.

The place of your birth is so special to me
As is the woman who with sadness set you free
She’s brave ‘cause she did what most couldn’t do
In the depth of her heart she lovingly knew
Giving you up was the best thing for you.

So know my sweet daughter I’ll do all I can
To love you and guide you to fulfill our God’s plan
Remembering for ever the gift that she gave
Loving you forever is my way to repay.