2 years ago today...we were handed a photo that would change our lives

It's so hard to believe it's been two years. Two years since that moment we had anticipated more than any other at that stage. We saw the face of the little girl who was destined to change our lives forever and ever. Two years since we took the trip to Benalla ..... a very, very nervous and anxious trip. How would I feel when I saw my darling daughter. Would all the love and emotions that had welled up in me for years and years spill out suddenly when I saw her face - would there be fear/delight/joy/uncertainty...what would be the reaction. I had barely slept in anticipation of this moment - I was terrified that I wouldn't find that 'connection' that I so desperately wanted with my daughter - how do you really bond with a photo - what does a photo of a little girl on the other side of the world really mean to me? How will our two worlds connect? I really didn't know - didn't have the answers ..... I was just terrified.
But God did know. He had it all planned. He knew many, many years ago as I cried for the first child I lost. He knew exactly what she would look like and what I would feel. He had me....and her.....in the palm of his hands. Thank you Lord for your goodness to me. More emotions than I ever knew possible exploded that night - I felt blessed beyond measure and the darling little girl that looked at us from that photo became one of the greatest joys my life could have ever known. For 7 weeks her photo slept with me under my pillow until the day she was finally placed in my arms.

Here are the photo's we were handed on that momentous day.....and some taken today.

Melting moments and memories

This time two years ago I was in TOTAL defeat mode. I couldn't believe what was happening. There had NEVER, in all our wait, been a month without allocations - then it happened - right when we were on the cusp of referral. I wasn't sleeping a wink - I was exhausted, defeated, sad, angry, uptight, crying, devastated, lost - totally. To speak to I probably appeared fine - but inside was a very, very different story. In some ways, it wasn't until I looked back that I realized how I was really feeling.
Then - 2 days later - on the 2nd November 05 at 8pm our time - the website changed and so did my life.
The journey from then to now has been totally, incredibly, amazing.

This morning I brought Eb into bed at about 6.30am where she had her bottle. After she finished her beautiful dark eyes looked straight into my eyes and she said 'cuddle?'. I responded with my arms and with my heart. My heart was pulled out of my chest with joy and love and my eyes cried those happy tears I have waited so, so long for.

Life was a blur between the 2nd Nov 06 when the website changed - then to the 5th Nov when we received the call and then the 7th Nov when we got to see our beautiful daughter and then - finally on the 25th Dec 06 when she was placed in my arms.

There have been times when I have resented the speed at which my little girl has grown. She's just turned 3 and it all seems to have gone so fast. While I was waiting I was determined NOT to wish away time because I didn't want it to go fast when we returned home - but it does and there is nothing I can do to change it. Now I look at her and how incredibly far she has come. It's taken almost 2 years - but now her love for me is so innocently obvious. I'm sure it will still continue to grow from here - but if I could freeze moments like this morning I would.

If you're waiting - hang in there - the wait is indescribably horrible - but the end result.....no matter your age....is worth it beyond words.