This time two years ago I was in TOTAL defeat mode. I couldn't believe what was happening. There had NEVER, in all our wait, been a month without allocations - then it happened - right when we were on the cusp of referral. I wasn't sleeping a wink - I was exhausted, defeated, sad, angry, uptight, crying, devastated, lost - totally. To speak to I probably appeared fine - but inside was a very, very different story. In some ways, it wasn't until I looked back that I realized how I was really feeling.
Then - 2 days later - on the 2nd November 05 at 8pm our time - the website changed and so did my life.
The journey from then to now has been totally, incredibly, amazing.
This morning I brought Eb into bed at about 6.30am where she had her bottle. After she finished her beautiful dark eyes looked straight into my eyes and she said 'cuddle?'. I responded with my arms and with my heart. My heart was pulled out of my chest with joy and love and my eyes cried those happy tears I have waited so, so long for.
Life was a blur between the 2nd Nov 06 when the website changed - then to the 5th Nov when we received the call and then the 7th Nov when we got to see our beautiful daughter and then - finally on the 25th Dec 06 when she was placed in my arms.
There have been times when I have resented the speed at which my little girl has grown. She's just turned 3 and it all seems to have gone so fast. While I was waiting I was determined NOT to wish away time because I didn't want it to go fast when we returned home - but it does and there is nothing I can do to change it. Now I look at her and how incredibly far she has come. It's taken almost 2 years - but now her love for me is so innocently obvious. I'm sure it will still continue to grow from here - but if I could freeze moments like this morning I would.
If you're waiting - hang in there - the wait is indescribably horrible - but the end result.....no matter your age....is worth it beyond words.