A holiday to remember - Narooma with my parents

Yep – we’ve been ‘on the road again’. This time we’ve travelled all the way to Narooma on the mid-south coast of New South Wales. I hoped to make the trip in one day but it wasn’t to be. Long story – but I ended up getting a motel in Cooma and had a lovely relaxing long sleep there and got on the road fresh and ready the next day.

My little angel sleeping in the big bed

Then waking the next morning


Trying to play hide and seek before we left

650kms later we arrived on Thursday to see the final few ends of my Dad bowling. We had a lovely 7 nights and it was real joy to see Eb spending time with her Pa and Nana and them all getting to know each other better (and Dad and Mum learning to understand Eb’s gabble!).

For me, one of the greatest joys was spending really great quality time with my girl. Every day, after Eb woke from her afternoon sleep, we went for a walk somewhere. Sometimes it was just around the streets and sometimes to a park. One day we walked 3km (yep Eb walked it!) to the ocean and had a wonderful time on the sand and taking photo’s.

While we’ve been away Eb’s learned to say ‘fwight’, she’s answered OK to a question, she’s started to tell me when she ‘hurts’ herself, she got to enjoy her first ever chocolate donut! – she learned that to wave to someone is different to the waves on the ocean – she learned to play ‘stop’ and ‘go’ when we’re walking – she frightened the life out of me a number of times on the wharf when she got a bit close for comfort and kept wanting to ‘lean’ into the water – she happily lay in bed with me for ½ to ¾ hour after she woke while we waited for 7am before we got her bottle – she played beautifully by herself often and didn’t watch too much TV – she tried on all of Pa and Nana’s shoes – she did LOTS of singing – she looked at the ocean and said ‘washing’.

It was such a special time - a special holiday. Very different with 'daddy' not being there - but we coped ok. The weather was very kind to us and I just loved having really carefree time with my little girl - thanks to my precious Dad and Mum for making it possible. I love you both.

Reading with Nana

Very cute photo of Eb mimicking Pa

Sweet princess

Checking out the scenery

and the play equipment

couldn't pass up a photo of the spectacular views on our walks

too cute

first ever merry-go-round

and first ever chocolate donut!

a cuddle with mummy by the ocean

hip-hip-hooray beside the 'aussie map' in the rocks at Narooma

just a cute shot

a final walk with Nana

and finally, the last photo of Pa, Nana and Eb just before we left to come home.

Sleeping

Over this past week I’ve had the absolute joy of spending lots of time one on one with my darling girl as we’ve travelled to visit my Mum and Dad for a brief stay (while they are holidaying in Narooma). We stayed in a Motel on the way and my little princess fell asleep on the ‘big’ bed while I relaxed after a gruelling day of driving. I was just too exhausted to get out the porta cot.

While we’ve been up here in Narooma, the sleeping patterns were very disturbed initially and I’ve been bringing Eb into bed with me in the early hours of the morning. What that has done is given me the privilege of watching her sleep and watching her wake up - something I’ve never really been able to do. She’s waking a little later because her sleeping has been a bit erratic, but I’ve been waking earlier.

To watch my little princess sleeping - her beautiful soft raven hair as it has fallen over her tiny round, perfect little face – to see her little chest rise and fall – to see her little rosebud lips form the sucking motion that it does – to watch her eyes move around while still closed – to see how much her ‘snugly’ is part of her sleeping and how much she loves it and to watch her still tiny hands grasping for it – to see how at times those tiny hands reach out to grasp mine too …. oh such joy! – to watch her slowly starting to wake up and then when she sees my face right there beside her to have her face light up into the most beautiful of smiles and then her lips to form the word ‘bottle’ as she relies on me to provide her needs. 2 years and 9 months – another long wait to see what most parents have the privilege of seeing from birth. And once again absolutely worth the wait.

Just some thoughts.....

These are just some thoughts I put on paper while I sat and Eb slept on our night in a Motel in Cooma on the way to visit my Dad and Mum.

MY GIRL:
My darling girl
I sit here - it's 8.30pm on Wednesday 21st May, 2008
We're on our own in a a Motel in Cooma
I've never stayed in a Motel on my own - let alone with my daughter
That is what you are - my daughter
At times I can't believe it
You're now 2 and 9 months
I can't believe how time as flown
We're together - forever
I love you with a love that knows no bounds
How did I ever live without you?
That's one of the miracles of life
.....to live without when you know no different
Then to know what you've missed
I've missed you all my life
I love you - adoring you is wrong
I adore your Daddy - he made you possible
I couldn't have done it without him
You are so innocent - so pure
You haven't been tainted by the world yet
But that will come
I can see how poets are born
How to express feelings that are so incredibly deep
They are very hard to express

INNOCENT LOVE:
Yes,
that's what it is
She knows nothing else
She loves us like she's been with us forever
Innocent
Loved
Complete
.....however will that be the story for her?
For now her love is like the opening blossom on a tree at springtime
It's perfect - it has no flaws
It is complete
But will it stay like this forever?
When will the questions start?
When will the doubts set in?
They will
A fallen world promises that
My love for her is beyond measure
It's beyond anything I ever expected
.....or anticipated
It's complete
But will she feel that way?
Or will many of her tomorrows hold pain?
That's not what I want for her - it's far from it
Can I save her from these emotions - these questions?
No
I can't
I would give my life if I could save her from the doubts - but I can't
They are part of her journey
All I can do is be there.

A wedding and a naming day

We were invited to our Nephew's wedding and his daughter's naming day. It was a lovely weekend. Eb and I caught the train from Melbourne where we had been up to Benalla and then Graham picked us up from Benalla and we made our way to Alexandra. We stayed in a cabin in a Tourist Park and it was all a bit of a rush. I wasn't at all sure how Eb was going to cope with all that had been going on and no sleep - but she was a star as usual. She had a ball. I thought I would have to bring her 'home' for a sleep between the wedding and the reception - but she was firing on all cylinders and she lasted at the reception until about 7ish when I thought I better be wise and bring her home. Once I lay her down (in our big bed for the first time ever without us) I thought she might try and get up, but she was amazing and I think she was asleep within minutes and there she slept happily until Daddy arrived home and we moved her to her cot.


Believe it or not.....the wedding 'car'


The happy family


Enjoying the atmosphere


In Pa's walker


More fun with Pa


Filling in time between wedding and reception


Blowing bubbles!


A lovely photo with Nana and Pa at the reception


having fun at the reception

Sunday was the naming day and although we didn't stay long (it was SO cold) Eb certainly did have fun. On the way home we stopped in Benalla to see Col, Mandy and Meiya as you'll see!


The star of the day


Our star of the day :)


Eb and Meiya playing on the Barbie computer


...and a kiss goodbye!

Helena, Jay, Sunny and Jaz

Well - it finally happened. Helena and I got to see our precious girls playing together and it brought me so much joy. It was wonderful and special. The girls - of course - were not as keen on the whole deal as the mum's were...but that's ok. By the end of our time with them, the girls were having a ball playing musical instruments and just enjoying each other. Poor Jaz had missed her afternoon sleep so she was a bit out of sorts, but she came around. Sunny is just adorable and I could kiss her and hug her until the end of days. I'm just so glad we got to spend time together. It was all a bit rushed and there were lots of people, but at least we made it. For me, it was like just being back with old friends again. I wish we could have chatted more - but all in all it was a great visit and a (very fast) couple of hours.

Did these children have fun or what????

This time it's a Melbourne adventure

Eb's first train ride! we had so much fun. I think I'd always go this way if transport in Melbourne wasn't an issue! Eb loved being able to move around - the 'conditions' were great and so was the food believe it or not!

Playing peek-ta-boo (as Eb says) while waiting for the train


It wasn't as serious as it looks!

We stayed with Chris, Ruth and Mei again - and we were all very excited to be going to see 'The Wiggles on Thursday. Well! we may have been, but Mei and Eb weren't THAT excited. Poor Mei was really scared and wouldn't even look at them (spent most of the time buried into her mummy or daddy's neck) and Eb wouldn't leave my lap. She grabbed me for dear life if I looked the wrong way. Obviously the 'small' wiggles on TV are ok, but the 'big' ones are a bit much - not to mention the noise. I had fun though!

At the Wiggles

After the Wiggles, the other Mum's and children (Vicki, Camille - Kate, Eliza - Wendy, Ruby and Ruth, Chris and Mei were all there - sadly Mandy and Meiya couldn't come!) came back to Ruth and Chris's for lunch. It was such a beautiful Autumn day and the girls had lots of fun together - Eb fell in the 'pond' once and then got we once - so it was a (rare) 3 change day! But lots of fun was had by all.

3 of the 4 girls after the Wiggles...not sure where Miss Camille was!


Friday Marg came and visited and we had a lovely time taking Eb to the park and going for a walk. It was lovely but over way too quickly.

Fun in the park

And then even more fun!!

Then it was time for haircut # ??? I don't remember???

It must be about #8 I'd guess. The only way I could get Eb not to fret was....of course! to feed her :)

I couldn't resist

How totally gorgeous is this????? We had an absolute ball together...can you tell??

Mothers Day number 2

Mummy, Mummy, Mummy - words I've longed to hear for longer than I can remember.

How has this little girl changed so much of who I am? - Incredibly and irrevocably.
How has she learned that to smile at me brings me joy - so she does it?
How has she learned that when I put my finger in her mouth with cake mixture on it, she can now get it off without biting me?
How has she learned to sing 'twinkle, twinkle little star', and 'ba ba black sheep'?
How has she learned to say 'sorry' at times when she knows she's hurt me?
How has she come to understand that I love her and will never hurt her or leave her?
How has she come to know that when she's scared all she has to do is run to my arms?
How has she come to know that hugging me is such a special thing to do - and then to add 'patting' me when she hugs me for extra special feeling?
How has she come to say 'poor Daddy' or 'poor teddy' or whatever and then when I say they are OK she says 'happy Daddy' or 'happy Teddy'?
How has she come to know that all she has to do is purse her little lips in sadness when I correct her and my heart melts?
How is it that now she goes to sleep saying 'too cute' and 'mummy'? - (the too cute is for her by the way!).
How is it that she wakes up saying 'Mummy'
How is it that many times during the day she says or sings 'Mummy'
How is it that she knows how incredibly special it makes me feel when she puts her tiny hand in mine....and holds on like there's no tomorrow.
How has she become so totally cute and adorable?

It's been a magical Mother's Day simply because this year so much more than last year, Eb knows I'm her Mummy.

All my love goes out to those special people whose arms are not yet filled with their little miracle - however that miracle may come. I remember only too well.
All my love also to those who are now enjoying Mother's Day - like me - through the eyes of our own little miracle.
All my love to those who have been Mummy's for a long time.
And - all my love to those Mummy's for whom Mother's Day is painful.....and there are many, many of you out there.

Here is my little angel sleeping............

Extended family

Tonight we visited my Uncle Ken and Aunty Merle who live in Yackandandah. We had a lovely night. My darling 93yo Grandmother was visiting as was my Aunty Dawn who lives down in Geelong and my Aunty Rita who lives in NZ. We had dinner with them and then just generally caught up. It's not easy having a good conversation with a little one around and I made the decision not to put her to sleep so she was up later than usual - but as seems to be the way she just lived in the moment and had an absolute ball!


Eb and Uncle Ken


Eb, Aunty Dawn and Aunty Rita


Eb and Mema

More friends visiting

We've had a really tough week. Eb was really out of sorts the night we arrived home - I was up for about 3 hours and then for about 5 on the Monday night. I knew something wasn't right so I took her to the doctor..........2 bulging eardrums because of ear infection again. She was so miserable. Antibiotics again. Then on Wednesday she started to talk really strange, like her tongue was swollen. Back to the doctor on Thursday and she has a seriously ulcerated throat! Poor little girl. She's not been sleeping or eating - now THAT says something. Thankfully by the weekend she was a bit brighter.
One of my 'oldest' (in length) friend Tracey and her husband Phil and their daughter Ella (14) came to stay and we had such a lovely time. Trac and I worked out we'd know each other 25 years! Wow I don't even feel that old :).
They arrived on Friday at lunchtime. We ate and then went for a 1.5hr drive around the place then stayed in for dinner. Saturday we went up to Falls Creek. Last Sunday when we arrived home late - we woke Monday morning to snow down to 1000m - so it was a really good 'dump'. When we got up to Falls Creek unfortunately a lot of the snow had melted - but it was a magnificent day and we all enjoyed our time up there. Saturday arvo Eb slept while Trac, Phil and Ella just enjoyed the front deck and then we tried to go to Annapurna Winery for a lazy afternoon drink - but it was closed :( so we came home and relaxed on the deck anyway.
Sunday we went with Phil, Tracey and Ella to Bright and had brunch there and then they went on their way home and we did the same. It was a lovely weekend and we thoroughly enjoyed the time we had with our friends.


Ella, Phil and Tracey at Falls Creek


Ebby and Daddy at Falls Creek


Ella playing in the snow with Eb

2 years, 8 months and 11 days

Today is a day to celebrate! – the day we can finally say we have had our precious Ebony longer than the SWI. Our influence now matches the influence of the first 16+ months of her life. What a milestone – what a wonderful day. I have thought of this day many, many times over the past 16 months. Times when I struggled with what I saw her going through, times when I watch her reactions to things and knew they were most likely because of her days in the orphanage. Those many days and months, where she had good care – but not love like she knows it today. Now, finally, we have influenced her more and thankfully we see the results when she comes to us and openly hugs us or even kisses us. What a journey this has been – has it been worth it? – you bet your life it has. Hang in there if you feel the wait is interminable....it will be so worth it one day.
Thank you God for the miracle of adoption.