A new place to call home

It's happened - here I am in beautiful Mt. Beauty. As I write, the sun is setting over snow capped Mt. Bogong. The peace and serenity of this valley has to be seen to be believed. I know it's not been a good snow season, but it's still spectacular. I go to sleep at night and it is SO incredibly quiet it's hard to describe.

I'm finding the transition more difficult that Graham - he's settled in beautifully and hasn't looked back - I had to remind him on Sunday that I'm leaving behind so much of what and who is important to me. Most of my family and all my friends who have walked the journey of adoption with me over the past 2 years. I know I'll be ok - it's just going to be difficult for a while. I wake up in the morning and there is absolutely NO pressure at all. It's hard to believe after what life was like in Melbourne. I'm not working at this stage - I'm trusting God will open doors if that's what He wants me to do, but I won't be surprised if he simply wants me to "be" for a while and not "do". I feel much better today - yesterday was a tough day. I arrived up here last Wednesday and then had to go back to Melbourne for the day on Saturday. It was fun but exhausting. I guess I'll get used to it!

We're in temporary accommodation which still has beautiful views, but obviously is not the place to put our roots down. I'm praying that this will be where we bring little Ebony Grace home to (because of the timing more so than anything).

Today the CCAA updated their site to show that they have now matched up to 22nd July - not at all what I had hoped. I really hoped they would process to the end of July - but they didn't. What does it mean - who knows? Every month I think the picture will become more clear - but it doesn't. I'm still believing in my heart that we will travel in December - I can't possibly bring myself to believe anything else. I'll deal with it when and if I have to. There is simply too much change happening at the moment for me to try and deal with what may or may not happen. Officially we now have 28 days between when they have referred to (22nd June 05) and when we will be referred (when they reach 19th August 05).

In the meantime I spend hours sending and answering emails explaining how much things have changed over the past week - planning for the new home with Graham and dreaming of what life will look like in the next chapter.

A year ago today our file was logged in in China.

It's Saturday today and I'm sitting in my room at Mark and Bern's. We returned from our holiday on Queenslands Sunshine Coast on Thursday afternoon. We finally had what I call a "real" holiday. We only hired a car to get to and from the airport - other than that we walked and enjoyed the amazing sunshine. 22-24 degrees almost every day. We had such a beautiful location - we could see the place where the Noosa River enters the ocean at Noosaville - from our bed! (see photo!) Needless to say it wasn't hard to "lay in" in the mornings. We barely went out for meals - we just enjoyed our surroundings and felt totally blessed to be there.

There have been another lot of adoption allocations since I last wrote and the CCAA have now allocated all files received up until the 13th July 2005. We really only have 37 days between when they are up to and our date. What that means I just don't know at this stage. You would think that as we get closer it would be easier to guage - but it's still all guesswork. At least now I really do think that Ebony will be home for Christmas. It's been 1 whole year today since our file was logged in in China. It's also been the toughest year of my life. But I KNOW it will be worth it.
How am I feeling? In total upheaval. We have come home and now we are really unsure of what to do. We are both leaning toward me giving up work and going to live in Mt. Beauty and trusting God that the finances will work. I just don't feel that I could live apart from Graham. It doesn't seem right. I'll know more on Monday and will post soon after, but I think my days in Melbourne are now numbered. We both do.

How am I feeling?

These are such interesting times for me. We have so much happening it's almost beyond my ability to cope. If I thought too deeply about what's going on I think I'd collapse. Our home has sold and we are moving out in 3 weeks. We have been offered a 3 bedroom home in Mt. Beauty rent free while we build - which is an incredible blessing. We move on the 4th August and then come back to Melbourne on Monday 7th and (thank God!) we leave for 8 nights on the Sunshine Coast - which couldn't be better timed. We return on Thursday 17th August and then on Monday 21st, Graham will officially move up to Mt. Beauty and I'll move in with my brother Mark, his wife Bern and my 2 beautiful nieces Bec (3.5) and Lizzie (1). There I'll stay until China (whilst we try and build a home in Mt. Beauty!). Gosh! Adopting - building a home - moving - living apart........I can't believe it's all happening - and SO fast. I feel extremely overwhelmed - but I know it will be OK - it will all happen. I just don't know how at this stage. Work is also a puzzle for me - I love working at the Church and they are being so incredible loving and gracious. I know it's hard on them, trying to plan around my uncertainties - they are an awesome group of people to work with. I am continually fighting feelings of disconnectedness and I guess uselessness. I'll just fill in the spots wherever I'm needed and pray that I'm useful.

I've already started packing and the room that I lovingly painted and decorated has now been dismantled :( It's hard to believe Ebony will never sleep in there!

On the adoption front - I'm just waiting for the next lot of allocations to come through, which should be in the next 10 days. That will tell us ALOT about what will happen from here. I'll certainly post when I hear the next lot of news!

Written by Jen for Ebony Grace

I did it! I put my thoughts into a poem whilst I was away at Lakes Entrance last weekend. It's far from perfect - but it comes from the heart....

My darling little Ebony Grace
How much I long to see your face
Such emptiness has my heart long felt
Yet I know when I see you just how it will melt.
A lifetime of sadness, a hole not yet filled
Yet God’s loving plan will see my tears stilled
He formed you and made you – especially for me
He’s watching your life now – as He does so you’ll see.

My love for you sweetheart seems so intense
There’s times when I wonder if it really makes sense
Sometimes I try to picture your face
And often I imagine your baby embrace.

How different my life is going to be
I can’t even express how that thought sets me free
I pray that the journey that brings us together
Will move along quickly so we’re a family forever.

The place of your birth is so special to me
As is the woman who with sadness set you free
She’s brave ‘cause she did what most couldn’t do
In the depth of her heart she lovingly knew
Giving you up was the best thing for you.

So know my sweet daughter I’ll do all I can
To love you and guide you to fulfill our God’s plan
Remembering for ever the gift that she gave
Loving you forever is my way to repay.

Another bit of excitement

We're another step closer. Yesterday the CCAA changed their website to show that children had been allocated for all files logged in up to and including 28th June (we were logged in on 19th August - that means they have 48 days of files to get through!) - that means we're now officially the next Victorian Batch to be allocated! This lot of allocations was an increase in the number of days too - they allocated 13 days - which is a vast improvement on a few months ago. We can realistically say that there is an outside chance we'll get allocation in August (travel Oct), a slight inside chance for September (travel Nov) and a reasonably strong chance for October (travel Dec).....so our precious little girl could be home for Christmas. It's almost too scary to say. I'm feeling really excited at the moment....will post again soon on other "life" events that are going on.

We're edging forward.....

This photo was taken on Mother's Day. No - I'm not sad, as a matter of fact I barely thought about it until the waitress offered a free glass of bubbly to "Mums". I didn't know what to say - but my precious Dad did - he ordered one for me and went on to make sure the waitress knew exactly what was happening. Thanks Dad - you made me feel special. At least I believe I can say with certainity that this WILL BE my LAST Mother's day where I don't have a child to hold in my arms (although I think I thought that last year!!!)

Another round of allocations (referrals) have come through (yesterday). This time they are through to the 15th June, which means China made it through 9 days this time. Not great - but not bad either. I feel the best I have felt for most of the year today. I don't know why - I think I've just come to terms with waiting. My guestimate at this stage is that we will get allocation in October (late) and travel in December. I can cope with that.

We've officially made the decision to move to Mt. Beauty in the foothills of Falls Creek in mountain country Victoria. We are both very excited, although I'm a little more reserved than Gra. It means separation from family for me - at a time when I was really looking forward to being an "at home" Mum and spending time with my sister and sister-in-law. All I can say is that God knows - I don't. The part I love is selecting all the kitchen/colours/tiles etc for the new home. I laugh when I walk past Ebony's room at home and see all the work I put into it and knowing she may never actually sleep in it now! Gosh life is funny.
We've decided to go ahead with life as if the adoption isn't happening - that way we just continue to plan and when it happens we'll make everything fit together. I don't know how, but again I know God does.

The Red Thread

Came across this today and had to share it! It explains so beautifully the "Red Thread" that I occasionally refer to.......

Why China??

A red thread to China was cast today,
from us to a child so far away.
This thread symbolizes an attachment of hearts,
that distance alone can’t keep us apart.

Her mother and I are caught in a chase,
that time alone will bring us to face

This loving young child we want so much to greet,
with love in our hearts before we did meet.
This tiny, thin thread may stretch, tangle or fray,
but our love for her grows stronger each day.
Through the test of time it won’t break or sever,
she’ll be part of us forever and ever.
With oceans between us, the distance is spanned,
by a love that is greater than man could have planned.
For God in His mercy loved her and us,
and decided our family would be a great plus.
So for now we’ll just love her and pray every day,
that God keeps her and loves her for us till we may,
travel to China, that land of great past,
to the side of our daughter, to hold her at last.

~Author Unknown~

Life Lessons

I haven't been well over this last week and it's given me time to read. In the last couple of days I've finished a book called "The Waiting Child" and in the last 1/2 day have read the book "A Treasury of Adoption Miracles". I have learnt SO much. Now - finally - it all makes sense. Now I see how we are the lucky ones - God chose us because He knew we could do it. He knew we could love a child from a different culture - one that has grown IN our hearts - although not under it. Deep in my heart I have felt that a lot of my purpose has been to fill the empty place in my heart - now that is a an added blessing. What an amazing God we have - what an awesome journey it has been over these years - and what a privilidge to know that God knew all along what I didn't. I have cried many tears over the past days - each page I have turned has opened my eyes to the struggles and challenges that lay ahead - but they are tears of joy, expectation and readiness. Praise be to God.

A taste of excitement......

I had to do a quick post to share my excitement that our friends Leanne and Hao became a "family" at about this time yesterday. I mentioned them in my last post and it's so exciting to hear that 2 have now become 3! Little Gabriella is settling in well. Apparently she is tiny - fitting into 00's when Leanne expected 0's. I'm just so excited for them and having this happen at this time really does give me a ray of sunshine. I can't wait to see them as a family and to finally meet tiny little Gabriella. This journey is amazing and as I said to my friend Lyn this morning, I find myself shifting between so many different emotions - and at times just pushing down any feelings at all - but at the moment I feel lots of joy for Leanne, Hao and precious little Gabriella.

And another month goes by......

Here I am - a month later. It's hard to know what to say. Work is so busy at the moment I'm really not having much time to think.
We've recently completed 3 weeks cleaning at the Commonwealth Games Village. That certainly made time go quickly. During that time we also had a weeks holiday up at our favorite place - Mount Beauty in NE Victoria. A place to find peace and rest. It was wonderful.

It really does seem that the adoption process has slowed down dramatically. At the end of March the next lot of allocations were posted on the CCAA website - this time there were only 5 days of files - the close off was 30th May LID's (see previous post for explanation!). This has been devastating for our dear friends in Vic Batch 20 who have been waiting since November for their allocations. They missed out on the last lot by 8 days, and now by 3. The only ray of sunshine I could give them was that they would definitely be in the next lot.
We really don't know what is happening, but I'm holding on hard to the fact that our local Department and the overseas Agencies are saying that the wait from LID to allocation is now about 12 months. That means we would get allocation in about August and probably travel September/October. My upside is that the weather will be much better then!
I've really had to have a good talk with myself and find peace in the knowledge that this will happen in God's timing - not mine. And His timing is always perfect.

We had a wonderful get together at our place on March 25th with our "travel buddies" who we will travel to China with. Our dear friend Lyn Smith (Manda's mum) came along and talked to us in depth about what to expect from here and the various processes we will encounter along the way. It was an amazing afternoon. We all really enjoyed getting to know each other better and also learning more about the process.

The other exciting thing is that at the time of the last allocations, the CCAA website also changed to reflect the fact that all files with a LID in August passed through the review room and are now in the matching room. That's exciting - that is where we will be matched with our precious daughter Ebony. It's just so exciting to see some change and some progress.

It's also exciting to know that our friends Leanne and Hao leave TOMORROW to meet their precious daughter "Gabriella Grace" - this is such an exciting time for them and I can't wait to hear of their journey and to see their darling baby daughter when they get home. I wish them every blessing on their journey.

Till next time......

A special day

Today is a special day - for many reasons. It's my birthday for one - but more importantly it's the last one I'll spend not being a mum.
My darling husband presented me with a most precious card and gift this morning (not something he often does!). He gave me a beautiful card that spoke of my last birthday not being a mum and of the mum he believed I would be and his gift to me was one of the "Willow Tree" series called "Angel of mine - so loved, so very loved". It's a carved figure of a mother and baby -I cried - and so did Graham. I have looked at these figures so often and longed for one (I've given many as gifts!) - but never wanted to buy one for myself. Who more special to give me one? I'm so touched and so grateful to have a man like I do in my life.

On to the adoption - It's been a challenging start to the year with mixed news about the timeline for adoptions - I thought I'd take the time to explain the process because so many are asking me what is going on.
Once our file was received in China we got a Log In Date (LID) - from here on, that is the most important date for us. Once in China, our file moves into the review room at some point, where it stays for some 1-2 months, and then it moves to the matching room. It is in the matching room that we are allocated a child and soon after we are advised we have been allocated. At this stage there are 2 batches ahead of us - we're Vic Batch 22 and there are still Vic Batches 20 and 21 to be allocated. In the last few weeks, the China Centre for Adoptive Affairs put on their website that "all files received in China with a LID of June 05 had been reviewed and that they had finished the allocation of children for the families whose adoption application documents were LID before May 25, 2005."
Soon after that notice was put on the CCAA website (approx 24th Feb) allocations started to come through. Unfortunately Batch 20 (Victoria) missed out by about 8 days. Their LID was 2nd June 05. The CCAA site still says the same and all of us waiting are regularly checking for those dates to change. Rumour has it that all files with a July LID have now been moved to the matching room and all files LID August are in the review room. IF this is true - we could be a June/July allocation - if it isn't true, who knows. My heart crys for those in Victoria Batch 20 - to miss out by such a few days.
The good news has been that friends we have made in the adoption process - Leanne & Hao Cheng - have been allocated. They were actually behind us in the process (LID 26th September), but because Hao is from Chinese descent, their file was what is termed "expedited", which means they get allocated earlier. I couldn't be happier for them. I cried as I read their post and the joy they were feeling. A tiny 8 month old baby daughter - Lei Jin Shi - I can't wait to see photo's. It helps so much to have any allocations coming through - there is so much joy coming out of the "posts" on the Families with Children from China (FCC) site that it really helps me to keep focussed on what is ahead for us.

So that is where we are at on this day - I'm heading out to do some gardening and then we're going to a BBQ with some of our China "batch buddies" as we call ourselves 'cause we're all travelling to China together and some other friends we went through the process with who are adopting from Ethopia.

Staying focussed!

I never knew it would be SO difficult. Waiting is much harder than I expected, although it's more trying to stay focussed on today! We haven't heard anything, and at this stage there are still 2 Victorian "batches" ahead of us. I haven't lost hope for June/July - but we just don't know. I said to some people yesterday - the way I feel is like being about 8 months pregnant and anticipating and beginning to dream of life in it's new form - and then being told you actually have another 4-6 months of pregnancy ahead (I'm sure the girls can relate!).

Anyway - I'm doing everything I can to stay focussed on each day and to enjoy the time we have together before little Ebony arrives. Also trying NOT to be too busy!

So no concrete news - just some feelings......and hopefully a photo's of Ebony's room too!

Well - I've never been very good at keeping secrets......
We've decided on the name "Ebony Grace" for our daughter! I had a huge list of names - which I didn't think would happen - then I came across a photo of little friend of mine from some years ago and her name was Ebony. I mentioned it to Graham and he felt really comfortable with it! The second name bears no explanation I'm sure.
It's Saturday today and we've just finished painting half the inside of our home. We started early in January. Ebony's room is done and it's just wonderful. I'll try and post a photo when I can.
The journey to Ebony is slowing down a bit - it seems the China program is becoming very popular and the result is longer waits. Although I felt a bit frustrated at first - I've settled back into accepting it and am just enjoying preparing our home for the arrival of this precious little girl. I'm probably not bubbling over in the same way I was at Christmas time, but I know that time will come again. We're expecting to receive allocation (this will be when we get a copy of her file including a photo) in approximately May and then we'll travel about 7 weeks later.
I'll keep you posted!
Jen

2006 is finally here!

Now it’s finally arrived! The year we will bring our daughter home to live with us. I can’t describe the excitement I feel. I’m going to be a Mum! Here’s what I wrote in the early hours of Christmas Eve morning in the form of an email to the FCC (Families with Children from China) group:

[Hello everyone - here I am wide awake at 3.45 in the morning! Just thinking and dreaming of what next Christmas will be like. It has been a journey of some 25 years where there has been so much pain, surgery, invasive procedures, tears and frustration and now I sit here and can truly contemplate a year ahead when I will actually become a "Mum". It's hard to comprehend, yet I feel like my whole life has led me to this place. Finally I'm allowing myself to feel excited and it's the most wonderful feeling. This is the first Christmas for so, so many years, that I can feel real, deep, unexplainable joy and it's the most wonderful feeling. I can't even imagine what it will feel like when we see the photo of the child that has been chosen for us - the one that I know will be worth every moment of the wait. So here's to all my friends out there in FCC land - no matter what stage you are at - and there are many. The time is coming - and it will be here before we know it. To the first time Mums (& Dads), the second time Mums (& Dads) and the Mums (& Dads) in waiting - have a beautiful Christmas either with your precious family or whilst you are waiting with eager anticipation. Bless you all for your incredible wisdom and support - I don't think I could have done this journey as well without you - as a matter of fact, I know I couldn't have! Jen (& Graham) Boote Batch 22 3.55am 24/12/2005]

Welcome to 2006 my precious daughter – wherever you are - I know you are alive and waiting somewhere and I’m feeling REALLY alive and desperately waiting for you!....oh! and by the way - we've decided on a name! but it's a secret for the time being........

Thank you God for Your faithfullness to us . Without You, none of this would be possible.

Us at the Grand Canyon on Gra's birthday 21/10/05

 

The beginning

It doesn't really matter how we came to be at this point - we haven't been able to have children and it's been a long and hard journey. In May 2004 I had lunch with a special friend of mine, who has shared some of my infertility struggles through her own difficult journey. She and her husband were leaving to move to overseas in a matter of weeks. When we talked, she mentioned something about adoption. I had talked about this in the past, but Graham just wasn't ready. The conversation with my girlfriend started and finished and I didn't think much more about it until, a couple of weeks later, Graham and I were in Bali and it came to my mind. I mentioned it to Graham and all of a sudden - he was ready! As soon as we arrived home, I went into action and found the next Inter-Country Adoption Information Session was on the 2nd August (which was about 2 months away). We registered - went along - and nothing has been the same since. We both knew China was the best choice for us - not that we had many because of our ages - particularly Graham's. So we started the long process of paperwork - medicals and cheques! We were required to do our life stories - mine ended up about 19 pages and Gra's was about 13. It was a lot of work. Through a miracle, we were able to get into Education Sessions a little earlier than normally possible - so this part of the process was over by early December 2004. As soon as Education sessions were over, we had to do our Country Project. I really enjoyed this part - although we were under quite a bit of pressure to get everything done and in by Christmas. It happened. By the end of April we had completed our 4 Social Worker visits and were told we would be recommended to adopt. We were relieved and thrilled. Then more paper work and finally on 3rd August 2005 our file left for China and we became part of Batch 22. We have 3 other couples from our Education Sessions - Col & Mandy, Ruth & Chris and Kate & Jim - along with Richard and Wendy and a very brave single - Vicky. Now we wait! Our "batch" met all together on the 6th November - which was really exciting. We took 4+ weeks in Sept/Oct and travelled over to British Colombia/San Francisco/New York/ Niagara Falls/Chicago/Miami/Grand Canyon/Los Angeles. We had such an incredible time - our last trip together with just the 2 of us! Graham's letting me pick a name (we're fairly sure we'll get a girl) - so I'm working through that issue - and contemplating the nursery. We've been given some furniture - which has been such a blessings. So that's it in a nutshell to date - keep posted for more!

Our Journey to our daughter in China

This is the story of our journey to our adopted daughter in China. The journey so far has been a rocky one with lots of bends and obstacles throughout the years - but we know it will all be worthwhile. Our names are Jen and Graham and we live in Montrose - Victoria - Australia. Most of the posts will be of Jen's thoughts and feelings throughout the weeks and months ahead. We're glad you have joined us and pray you enjoy our journey. "We asked the Lord to give us this child, and He has given us our request. Now we are giving her to the Lord, and she will belong to the Lord her whole life" 1 Samuel 1:27,28